Hola Summer!

Finally, after a year that seemed like it would last forever, my holiday starts TODAY! Yeah! I’ll be going to the coast for the next 3 weeks and I plan to enjoy every single moment of it. Unfortunately I’ll be abandoning my new found passion for a while, I’ll only be signing in occasionally for the next 3 weeks to let you know that I haven’t landed myself into some serious trouble. On holiday I have the tendency to get myself into some rather sticky situations. I never mean to. I am however supposed to be all grown up after this year but we’ll have to see how long that lasts as soon as I smell the ocean! Ocean air is absolutely intoxicating and makes me very creative! But I promise to return with unsober kissing of frogs stories. I know I said that I’m trying to talk to frogs instead of just kissing them, but December holidays don’t count. Oscar Wilde said “I can resist everything but temptation.” Very true! I’m planning on being tempted as well as being a temptation. See my hit list of summer song for further reference.

Today’s hectic, have to run now. There’s a party next door at one of our suppliers. Viva la holiday!

To my unborn "Kinderen" someday...

You know that deja vu feeling that you suddenly get while doing something else, we’ll that happened to me while I was reading some of the archives from Peas’s blog. In the blog she was giving advice to her future children and after some serious searching in my own mind archives it all came back to me.
At Varsity me and the Tripod (Damselfly & Partner in Crime), after illegally drinking in our hostel rooms decided to make a video for our kids to give them advice when they go to Varsity. We made the video with The Damselfly’s cell phone. I really can only remember bits and pieces of that video, I recall telling my future daughter not be a slut like Mommy. Can’t even remember what the other 2 had said, would love to see that video again… as well as all the others we made. Needless to say, they will NEVER see that video’s.
The whole aspiring video maker thing actually gave me quite a scare. Facebook had a virus & I got countless messages telling me that there is a video of me and my friends on you tube. So, not knowing this, I completely freaked out, cause “oh f*ck I’m one of the new hits on you tube”. Fortunately before I called the whole family to apologize in advance for my horrid behavior and for dragging the family name through the mud, one of my friends told me it’s only a virus. Saved, for now!!! Hope I don't get famous, then those babies are bound to surface.

Now in a much more sober state of mind, I’m will be giving my kids some advice that they probably won’t be allowed to read.

My “kinderen”
1. It’s important to know that alcohol enhances peoples look. He/She won’t be that good looking or charming the next day.
2. You don’t have to kiss al the Frogs/ Frogletts to find your Prince/Princess, be selective, some are reaaaaally bad kissers.
3. A reputation isn’t always a good thing, especially a bad one. You don’t have to be notorious cause all publicity isn’t necessarily good publicity.
4. Pick your poison (drink of choice), If you mix, you’ll feel terrible the next day.
5. Shooters are loads of fun, but their very, very, very Bad for you.
6. Brandy has 2 reactions. It makes you very loveable or very aggressive, both should be considered dangerous.
7. Drinking and Dialing is just as dangerous as the above mentioned.
8. Study hard, it’s no fun doing a 3 year course in 5 years. Trust Mommy on this one.
9. Girls: Never steal one of the men’s hostels fish, bird baths, tires etcetera and then tell them about it, some things should be kept a secret. Don’t get caught either.
10. Boys: Girls can & will seduce you, be careful of this one. Mommy doesn’t want your girlfriend's hysterical parents ranting and raving about an unplanned pregnancy. In other words, keep it inside your shorts Buster.
I have lots more wisdom to share with you, but Mommy wants you to process this first so that you don’t get confused and mix it up.

All my Love
Mommy

In the Summertime...

I just love Summer even though it's so bloody hot at the moment I can hardly breath. In the Summer everything and everyone (wink wink) just feels possible. I'm leaving for the coast in 4 days for a fabulous 3 weeks of beach, sun, braai, cocktails, everything that goes with summer in SA. I just love SA summers. I really do feel for the people that's not going away or has to work, but I deserve a holiday after this horrific year. And I'm gonna enjoy every single moment of it, no one's gonna spoil it for me, not even The Step mom. (Step mom - That's an entire blog on it's own). I decided to make a list of my Top 20 Summer Hits, in no specific order, here they come:

1. In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry

"In the summertime when the weather's high, you can stretch right up and touch the sky"

2. Escape (The Pina Colada Song) - Rupert Holmes

"...if you like Pina Colada's and getting caught in the rain"

3. Kokomo - The Beach Boys

"Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you"

4. Under the Boardwalk - The Drifters

"We'll be havin' some fun."

5. I like to move it - Madagaskar Soundtrack

"I like to move it, move it (3x). Ya like to move it"

6. Hot Summer - Monrose

"they're placing met here in the bad girl section..."

7. Summer Nights - Grease Soundtrack

"Summer lovin' had me a blast Summer lovin', happened so fast"

8. Carolina - Shaggy (nice beach song)

9. Cruel Summer - Bananarama (sometimes it can be)

10. Soak up the Sun - Sheryl Crow (I'm gonna be golden brown when I return, yeah!)

11. Summer in the City - Loving Spoonful (Going to Durbs)

12. Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams (Just Because)

13. Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini - Bryan Hyland (I have one of these)

14. Boys of Summer - Don Henley (Just love them)

15. Use your Love - Katy Perry (I intend to)

16. Kiss the girl - Little Mermaid Soundtrack (Ooooh, Yes please)

17. California Girls - Beach Boys (Or South African girls)

18. I wanna dance with somebody - Whitney Houston (Just love to dance)

19. So What - Pink (The song rocks)

20. Mamma Mia Soundtrack - Everything on it. (Just makes you wanna break out in song)

Crowdless

I put on my dancing shoes, unfortunately they weren't my drinking shoes and went out Friday night. It started of very nicely, me and the Confidant's sister, The Animal Lover went out for sushi and polished two bottles of wine. We decided to start a club of about 12 ladies, who gather once a month and just chat and have fun. We're gonna make up the rules over some more wine another night. I'm supposing that the more wined we get, the better the rules will be. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. (I just love that Kulula advert with the emergency pool boy!)

After that we joined Paris Hilton for drinks in one of the upper class cocktail bars. The AL had to go home, she was working the next day. I decided not to try and persuade her to stay, wouldn't want her killing Fifi, the dog the next day at work. Fifi carries her owner, an old ladies car keys every where she goes and won't abandon her job for anything, not even Biltong! Wouldn't want the old lady to lose such a wonderful guard dog. Anyway, let me get back to the point. So she left, and I continued with Paris Hilton to every bloody club there was in the street,on STILETTO'S. I can normally go until the very early hours of the morning, just partying away. But the problem was, that these Paris Hilton people were my crowd in High School, they're not my crowd anymore. I feel like a prude when I'm with them, and let me assure you, I'm no prude. There's nothing wrong with being a prude, or not being one. It's just that I honestly like to be with people with more or less the same morals and standards that I have. "Meng jou met die semels en die varke vreet jou op". So after I've spent a decent time hanging out with Paris and her posh, (I promised to see her). I excused myself and went to bed. Had one hell of a babelas the next day. I'm not able to drink those "slet sappies", no Brutal Fruit for me, thank you. They make me feel as if the ANC and COPE is having a meeting in my head. Not nice.

I came to the conclusion that I'm crowdless, for the first time in my life. It's a bit of a scary feeling. I've always had a ton of girl friends to go out with, to the places that we all like and now they all moved, are in serious relationship or getting married. And me, I'm still the ultimate single girl. I should really get myself some new girl friends, it's no fun knowing only Frogs, you have to have someone to discuss them with. And at this stage of my life, Frogs are only there to have some fun with, I need the girls for soul mates. Even after my heart is patched back together, I'll still need the girls to be soul mates too.

Almost a Dirty Girl...

Unfortunately this is not dirty in a kinky, interesting kinda way. This is dirty, the bloody municipality cut of the water, kind of dirty.

So I got home yesterday after an extremely hot sunbed session to find that the toilet was not working. This required phoning The Dad, he didn't pick up, so I inspected the toilet all by myself. Usually with the handyman type of things, I phone The Dad and he guides me step by step on how to fix the problem, but not this time. There was no water in, and I thought oh shit, big problem, can't fix this on my own. It took me about an hour to realize that the toilet wasn't the problem but there was no water anywhere in the house. So many, many lights went on for me that second, it almost looked like a disco. I quickly ran over to the neighbours to check if their taps were also dry. Yip, the water had been of from 1 that afternoon and was supposed to come back on at 6pm. When there was still no water at 10pm, my OCD reared it's ugly head. I had to wash my hair. There was absolutely no way that I would go to work with unwashed hair.

Thus began my water gathering expedition. I gathered every last drop of water that was left in the taps, emptied the kettle, and melted all the ice in the fridge. Whola, water to wash my hair! The water came back on at 3:45am with the most horrific gurgling sound. I thought the house was under attack, but just before I went into hiding I realized it must be the water coming back to my rescue. I didn't have to go to work all sweaty after all!

However I have absolutely no regrets about the hair washing expedition. My hair looks great today, better than it has in weeks. Don't know why, but I'll have to find out. Just think, good hair days everyday!

I give you my heart...

I have to get some kind off hobby... I've always thought that I'm quite interesting company, but after spending the past week in only my own company I'm starting to strongly doubt it. I'm no good at living alone. I started wondering how my Housemates managed to live with me. I'm an absolute Drama Queen and therefore I need an audience, no fun doing it on your own.

Anyway, the Socialite (a.k.a Farm girl) called me yesterday and she's in Luuuuuuv. I played wing woman last weekend and played a bit of cupid, luring the frog in question to our table at one of our fav bar's. They hit it of excruciatingly well, leaving me with the Octopus (3 guesses why I call him that). The last match I made celebrated their 2 year anniversary a few weeks back, maybe I should start a match making service as my new hobby.... If I do, please oh please just don't let me make matches for myself, I seriously suck at it.

That got me thinking (I have an unhealthy amount of time to think, seeing that I'm alone at home), have I ever been in Luuuuuv? And I honestly don't think I have. I've been in Lust quite a couple of times, actually more times than I would like to admit. But I've never just been completely, utterly, lost to the world (and all his imperfections) in Love. Which worries me, maybe I'm not capable of falling in Love. In my first year at varsity we had this pretend wedding, my pretend husband, when asked by his buddies how I was, said "hoflik". I then asked my Dad what precisely did he mean with "hoflik" and he replied "koud en klinies". Which I think is completely untrue, I just luuuuuv everyone when I've had a couple of drinks. A whole lot of varsity was spent having a couple of drinks. So after 5 years I still don't know what he meant, I think I should do a stalker search on Facebook and ask him. If I can just remember his name....

Well, I really hope that this one works out for the Socialite, she deserves to be happy. But should you really give someone your heart? People never take as good care of someone else's things as they would their own.

I really miss the Housemates. I sometimes catch myself walking to the Confidant's room to get her for our traditional chat on the steps at the back door, then remember that she's a beach babe now.

Confidant: I luuuuv you friend, I really miss you and you're still the only one that's allowed to read my blog! I need someone to tell me if I'm being a total drama queen and little bit obsessive!

How NOT to start your day...

I woke up at 3 this morning, not because I wanted to, but because a whole army of Mossies were attacking me. You'll ask how do I know it was an army and I'll tell you that it's completely impossible for only one Mossie to do that much damage. I decided to read, with all the itching I couldn't go back to sleep.

Going to the Varsity first thing in the morning is another bad, very bad idea. I finally know what that Afrikaans "idioom - van bakboord na stuurboord" means. I trampled all over the varsity, cause I couldn't find parking anywhere or even remotely find someone to help me with my academic dilemma. I had on heals, bad idea number 2. Now my feet are killing me and I have to walk barefoot in the office. These shoes were definitely not made for walking. It wasn't all bad though, I flirted myself out of an additional R300 tuition fee. Damn, I've still got it, if I wasn't in such a hurry I think Mr. Tuition Enquiries would have scraped the whole thing. However I still need to go back, I still need no go do all the things I went for in the first place. Ahhh, how nice to have such competent people working for the Varsity. I need to thank my honours department, they were extremely helpful and even called me back about my enquiry.

Now for the good news, I'll be enjoying a 5 course meal with the Housemates and their parents tonight. I can wait! A whole lot of my favourite people together, what more can you ask for?!

This weekend will be our last weekend as Housemates, which makes me really sad but also excited for everything that lies ahead. The Socialite is becoming a farmer for the next year (can you believe!). We'll be applying for "Boer soek 'n man (frog)" as soon as the applications come out! The Confidant is moving to J'bay (Leke free Holidays for me!) where she'll meet a philosophic surfer frog and fall madly in love. Or not, she'll probably find a Boerseun, I know her too well. As for me, I don't have a definitive plan yet, but I do have until February to find one. I think my luck is going to change in the year ahead. Bette Middler said: "I've been lucky before, I'll be lucky again."

A Woman's Dictionary

5 Minutes:
This is really half and hour, but it's equivalent to the 5 minutes that a guy's football game will last before he takes out the garbage.

Airhead:
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument:
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.Barbecue:
You brought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he 'made the dinner'.

Childbirth:
You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, 'focus... breathe... push...'

Clothes Dryer:
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Drink:
Something you buy at a late-night shop to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Exercise:
To walk up and down a shopping mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Fine:
Used to end an argument when she feels she's right. Men - never use 'fine' to describe how a woman looks.

Grocery List:
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hairdresser:
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.

Lipstick:
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Nothing:
The feeling that a woman has to turn you inside out, upside down & backwards. Usually last for 5 minutes and ends with Fine.

Thanks:
When a woman is thanking you, do not thank her - just say, 'You're welcome'.

Thanks A Lot:
A woman says 'Thanks A Lot' when she's really ticked off at you. You have offended her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask her, 'What's Wrong' because she will only tell you 'Nothing'. Not to be confused with Thanks.

That's OK:
One of the most dangerous statements she can make to a man. She wants to think long and hard before paying him back for whatever he's done. Often used with Fine and in conjunction with danger.

Valentine's Day:
A day when you dream of a candlelit dinner, diamonds and romance, but are lucky if you get a card.

Waterproof Mascara:
Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Standing Strong...

The weekend was surprisingly interesting. The 21st was okay, everyone was serious academics and not really big party animals. The food was great though. It was supposed to be a dress up, but the kids these days don't dress up the way we did when we turned 21. Under my expert guidance, me, the Sisters and Arty Sis's boyfriend looked absolutely ridiculous as one should at a 21st. I couldn't care less but Arty Sis's boyfriend looked pretty uncomfortable, especially seeing as she went as one of the drowned passengers of the Titanic and was covered in Green make-up. I thought I looked fabulous.

Me: So do I look like a Drowned Drunken Pirate?

Arty Sis: Yes, a slutty one

Me: That's your opinion, I'll go for a second one.

Me: Do I look like a Pirate?

Little Sis: Noooooo

Me: If I don't look like a pirate, what do I look like?

LS: You look like a drowned Prostitute

Me: Confirmed

Needless to say, attempt not slutty failed, maybe next time.

Saturday night was a blast. I dragged my Dad to a bar to watch the Rugby, to lift his spirits, his been kinda down lately and I'm always very entertaining at a bar. We watched the rugby, and then he decided to head back home. As usual I wasn't quite ready to leave. But I always find someone to take me home, so I planned to stay until 8 o'clock, but it eventually turned into 12.

I met the Ex Colleague's best friend (Crazy Frog), we hit it off quite nicely. Now you need to know, that I actually had quite a thing for the EC but he doesn't know this and will never ever know this. Crazy Frog is absolutely hilarious and very, very charming. He's 33 and apparently he has never heard the word responsibility, because not for one single moment in any of his stories was there ever a responsible moment. I told him he has a boyish charm and he then asked me to marry him. You see my point. He eventually took me home, and stayed about another 2 hours. I stood strong this time, no kissing of Frogs on the night that I meet them! This was quite hard for me, I just Luuuuv kissing Frogs especially handsome one's. And this was a handsome frog! We just talked and talked the whole night. It just might have been the best conversation I've had all year.

Here's to talking to frogs instead of just kissing them.... for now!

Dating Enemies

If having a date in the nearby future depends on me and my cellphone, it aint gonna happen baby. The last two months or so I've had terrible luck. At first I just thought it was a coincidence, but seeing as it's strike two now, I'm starting to doubt it.

Awhile back, I met a really nice frog. Gave him my number, but he mixed up the numbers and got it wrong. Then we saw each other again, he asked me to put in in myself, which I did, but drunken me switched two of the numbers, and he had the wrong number again. He called me to go out, but as you can figure no answer. So I ASSUMED that he just wasn't that into me, because I haven't heard anything from him. Which brings me to my next point, "Assumption is the mother of all F*ck-ups" The Socialite saw him one night, they started chatting and she came to the bottom of the whole f*ck-up. Strike One!

A few months back, the Socialite dragged me out to go have coctails with some of her Joburg friends, that's where I met the Joburg Frog. He has really good manners, pays for everything like a gentleman should and is not too bad on the eye. We clicked really good, and when they're in town me & the socialite join them for drinks. Nothing serious, we didn't have each others numbers until the last time they were here. He asked me to have lunch with him the next day, I agreed and said I would let him know how late and where. My next big mistake was not calling him but texting him. I heard nothing back and ASSUMED again that he probably was drunk the previous night and couldn't remember about the lunch. Again, Assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups The Socialite cleared this up for me once again when she went for drinks with them last night. She confronted him head on:

Socialite: You stood up my Friend

He then told her that he had gotten my text, sent one back (which I didn't receive) even called me (which for some reason didn't go through), he repeated the whole thing 3 times just to let her know that he didn't stand me up. Strike two!

My Cellphone has some kind of terrible grudge against me, so I'm going to e-mail him now. Just to make sure that there isn't a strike 3.

Well, ahoy maties, it's of to the Under Da Sea party I go!

Ahoy Maties!

I'm going to a 21st, can you believe it! I thought my days of 21st were over, I'm in the Wedding Era at the moment. The Flirt (so called because he's trying to date both my housemates) informed me that he thought I'm too old to go to a 21st, but I reckon if my Grandparents (GP) are going I'm still a spring chicken.

It's a theme party, Under Da Sea, now this would have held a lot of potential if my GP's ( and the rest of the family weren't going. But seeing as they are and I don't want to lose any more shares, I won't be able to go as anything slutty under da sea.

The GP's are dressing up, so I need to come up with a respectable outfit before tomorrow night. So the Arty Sister said that's she's going as a pirate and if they tell her she's not Under da Sea, she's telling everyone she drowned. Bingo, so I sms'ed the Little Sis and told her we're all going as drunken, drowned pirates.

Now I just need to figure out how to make seaweed, dress as a sexy but not slutty pirate (one of the previous frogs will be there, and I need to make him drool) all before tomorrow night. Here's the catch, I won't be able to get to any shops before then. Tonight will therefore be spent transforming everything inside our house into pirate gear... Yes I'm still alone at home

The Prince Frog Theory

At a braai the past weekend the Prince Frog Theory was born. I just discovered blogging, find it absolutely divine and decided that I might as well start a blog to kill some extra time seeing that I will be living alone for the next month.

We were all sitting around the Fire on Saturday when the Socialite (also Housemate) decided to grace us with a joke. It was kind of a knock-knock type of Joke, so here goes:

Socialite: When does a Frog meet his Princess?

Ofcourse no one answers, cause everybody is still tired from the previous night and trying to motivate themselves to go for a second night to get the most out of the weekend. But this doesn't bother the Socialite in the least.

Socialite: After the Princess has had more than five drinks! Hahahahaha! Get it? Hahahahahahaaaaaaa

My first thought was, only five drinks, what a cheap night.

Thus started the joking about the 2 boys who also woke up in our house on Saturday morning. I'll have to give some background now. We are 3 girls living together, we know each other from varsity and decided to move in together. The Confidant's (Also Housemate) Brother and his Wife came to visit from PE, me and the Socialite were told to be on our best behaviour, meaning no boys over the weekend. We had the best of intentions but after a couple of glasses of Red wine, some shooters and I think Whisky and Brandy, all good intentions flew out of the window or should I rather say beds.

The Socialite was smart and dediced to leave before anyone got home, so only I knew that there was a boy that had fallen through her roof. Me on the other hand, made the mistake of arriving with the rest of the crowd. So Prince Charming (or so I thought) got the French Inquisition. The Brother took his brotherly duty really serious and decided that he would stand in for me, seeing that I don't really have a brother (a story for another time). Prince Charming was asked about his financial position while the Wife just wanted to know if Prince Charming had kissed me yet. After I finally got the newly married couple to bed, who were immensly enjoying my discomfort, we could go to bed as well.

The following morning I had one hell of a time trying to wake up Prince Charming, because I had to go sunbed. Which for those of you that don't know, is absolutely the worst idee after a night of partying. I got him out before anyone woke up, avoiding another French Inquisition.

I saw him that night again, and he was a complete ass, therefore converting him from Prince Charming to Prince Frog.

From that night on we will be referring to all boys as Frogs.