A Woman's Dictionary

5 Minutes:
This is really half and hour, but it's equivalent to the 5 minutes that a guy's football game will last before he takes out the garbage.

Airhead:
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument:
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.Barbecue:
You brought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he 'made the dinner'.

Childbirth:
You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, 'focus... breathe... push...'

Clothes Dryer:
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Drink:
Something you buy at a late-night shop to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Exercise:
To walk up and down a shopping mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Fine:
Used to end an argument when she feels she's right. Men - never use 'fine' to describe how a woman looks.

Grocery List:
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hairdresser:
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.

Lipstick:
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Nothing:
The feeling that a woman has to turn you inside out, upside down & backwards. Usually last for 5 minutes and ends with Fine.

Thanks:
When a woman is thanking you, do not thank her - just say, 'You're welcome'.

Thanks A Lot:
A woman says 'Thanks A Lot' when she's really ticked off at you. You have offended her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask her, 'What's Wrong' because she will only tell you 'Nothing'. Not to be confused with Thanks.

That's OK:
One of the most dangerous statements she can make to a man. She wants to think long and hard before paying him back for whatever he's done. Often used with Fine and in conjunction with danger.

Valentine's Day:
A day when you dream of a candlelit dinner, diamonds and romance, but are lucky if you get a card.

Waterproof Mascara:
Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.