How NOT to start your day...

I woke up at 3 this morning, not because I wanted to, but because a whole army of Mossies were attacking me. You'll ask how do I know it was an army and I'll tell you that it's completely impossible for only one Mossie to do that much damage. I decided to read, with all the itching I couldn't go back to sleep.

Going to the Varsity first thing in the morning is another bad, very bad idea. I finally know what that Afrikaans "idioom - van bakboord na stuurboord" means. I trampled all over the varsity, cause I couldn't find parking anywhere or even remotely find someone to help me with my academic dilemma. I had on heals, bad idea number 2. Now my feet are killing me and I have to walk barefoot in the office. These shoes were definitely not made for walking. It wasn't all bad though, I flirted myself out of an additional R300 tuition fee. Damn, I've still got it, if I wasn't in such a hurry I think Mr. Tuition Enquiries would have scraped the whole thing. However I still need to go back, I still need no go do all the things I went for in the first place. Ahhh, how nice to have such competent people working for the Varsity. I need to thank my honours department, they were extremely helpful and even called me back about my enquiry.

Now for the good news, I'll be enjoying a 5 course meal with the Housemates and their parents tonight. I can wait! A whole lot of my favourite people together, what more can you ask for?!

This weekend will be our last weekend as Housemates, which makes me really sad but also excited for everything that lies ahead. The Socialite is becoming a farmer for the next year (can you believe!). We'll be applying for "Boer soek 'n man (frog)" as soon as the applications come out! The Confidant is moving to J'bay (Leke free Holidays for me!) where she'll meet a philosophic surfer frog and fall madly in love. Or not, she'll probably find a Boerseun, I know her too well. As for me, I don't have a definitive plan yet, but I do have until February to find one. I think my luck is going to change in the year ahead. Bette Middler said: "I've been lucky before, I'll be lucky again."

A Woman's Dictionary

5 Minutes:
This is really half and hour, but it's equivalent to the 5 minutes that a guy's football game will last before he takes out the garbage.

Airhead:
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument:
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.Barbecue:
You brought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he 'made the dinner'.

Childbirth:
You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, 'focus... breathe... push...'

Clothes Dryer:
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Drink:
Something you buy at a late-night shop to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Exercise:
To walk up and down a shopping mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Fine:
Used to end an argument when she feels she's right. Men - never use 'fine' to describe how a woman looks.

Grocery List:
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hairdresser:
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.

Lipstick:
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Nothing:
The feeling that a woman has to turn you inside out, upside down & backwards. Usually last for 5 minutes and ends with Fine.

Thanks:
When a woman is thanking you, do not thank her - just say, 'You're welcome'.

Thanks A Lot:
A woman says 'Thanks A Lot' when she's really ticked off at you. You have offended her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask her, 'What's Wrong' because she will only tell you 'Nothing'. Not to be confused with Thanks.

That's OK:
One of the most dangerous statements she can make to a man. She wants to think long and hard before paying him back for whatever he's done. Often used with Fine and in conjunction with danger.

Valentine's Day:
A day when you dream of a candlelit dinner, diamonds and romance, but are lucky if you get a card.

Waterproof Mascara:
Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Standing Strong...

The weekend was surprisingly interesting. The 21st was okay, everyone was serious academics and not really big party animals. The food was great though. It was supposed to be a dress up, but the kids these days don't dress up the way we did when we turned 21. Under my expert guidance, me, the Sisters and Arty Sis's boyfriend looked absolutely ridiculous as one should at a 21st. I couldn't care less but Arty Sis's boyfriend looked pretty uncomfortable, especially seeing as she went as one of the drowned passengers of the Titanic and was covered in Green make-up. I thought I looked fabulous.

Me: So do I look like a Drowned Drunken Pirate?

Arty Sis: Yes, a slutty one

Me: That's your opinion, I'll go for a second one.

Me: Do I look like a Pirate?

Little Sis: Noooooo

Me: If I don't look like a pirate, what do I look like?

LS: You look like a drowned Prostitute

Me: Confirmed

Needless to say, attempt not slutty failed, maybe next time.

Saturday night was a blast. I dragged my Dad to a bar to watch the Rugby, to lift his spirits, his been kinda down lately and I'm always very entertaining at a bar. We watched the rugby, and then he decided to head back home. As usual I wasn't quite ready to leave. But I always find someone to take me home, so I planned to stay until 8 o'clock, but it eventually turned into 12.

I met the Ex Colleague's best friend (Crazy Frog), we hit it off quite nicely. Now you need to know, that I actually had quite a thing for the EC but he doesn't know this and will never ever know this. Crazy Frog is absolutely hilarious and very, very charming. He's 33 and apparently he has never heard the word responsibility, because not for one single moment in any of his stories was there ever a responsible moment. I told him he has a boyish charm and he then asked me to marry him. You see my point. He eventually took me home, and stayed about another 2 hours. I stood strong this time, no kissing of Frogs on the night that I meet them! This was quite hard for me, I just Luuuuv kissing Frogs especially handsome one's. And this was a handsome frog! We just talked and talked the whole night. It just might have been the best conversation I've had all year.

Here's to talking to frogs instead of just kissing them.... for now!

Dating Enemies

If having a date in the nearby future depends on me and my cellphone, it aint gonna happen baby. The last two months or so I've had terrible luck. At first I just thought it was a coincidence, but seeing as it's strike two now, I'm starting to doubt it.

Awhile back, I met a really nice frog. Gave him my number, but he mixed up the numbers and got it wrong. Then we saw each other again, he asked me to put in in myself, which I did, but drunken me switched two of the numbers, and he had the wrong number again. He called me to go out, but as you can figure no answer. So I ASSUMED that he just wasn't that into me, because I haven't heard anything from him. Which brings me to my next point, "Assumption is the mother of all F*ck-ups" The Socialite saw him one night, they started chatting and she came to the bottom of the whole f*ck-up. Strike One!

A few months back, the Socialite dragged me out to go have coctails with some of her Joburg friends, that's where I met the Joburg Frog. He has really good manners, pays for everything like a gentleman should and is not too bad on the eye. We clicked really good, and when they're in town me & the socialite join them for drinks. Nothing serious, we didn't have each others numbers until the last time they were here. He asked me to have lunch with him the next day, I agreed and said I would let him know how late and where. My next big mistake was not calling him but texting him. I heard nothing back and ASSUMED again that he probably was drunk the previous night and couldn't remember about the lunch. Again, Assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups The Socialite cleared this up for me once again when she went for drinks with them last night. She confronted him head on:

Socialite: You stood up my Friend

He then told her that he had gotten my text, sent one back (which I didn't receive) even called me (which for some reason didn't go through), he repeated the whole thing 3 times just to let her know that he didn't stand me up. Strike two!

My Cellphone has some kind of terrible grudge against me, so I'm going to e-mail him now. Just to make sure that there isn't a strike 3.

Well, ahoy maties, it's of to the Under Da Sea party I go!

Ahoy Maties!

I'm going to a 21st, can you believe it! I thought my days of 21st were over, I'm in the Wedding Era at the moment. The Flirt (so called because he's trying to date both my housemates) informed me that he thought I'm too old to go to a 21st, but I reckon if my Grandparents (GP) are going I'm still a spring chicken.

It's a theme party, Under Da Sea, now this would have held a lot of potential if my GP's ( and the rest of the family weren't going. But seeing as they are and I don't want to lose any more shares, I won't be able to go as anything slutty under da sea.

The GP's are dressing up, so I need to come up with a respectable outfit before tomorrow night. So the Arty Sister said that's she's going as a pirate and if they tell her she's not Under da Sea, she's telling everyone she drowned. Bingo, so I sms'ed the Little Sis and told her we're all going as drunken, drowned pirates.

Now I just need to figure out how to make seaweed, dress as a sexy but not slutty pirate (one of the previous frogs will be there, and I need to make him drool) all before tomorrow night. Here's the catch, I won't be able to get to any shops before then. Tonight will therefore be spent transforming everything inside our house into pirate gear... Yes I'm still alone at home

The Prince Frog Theory

At a braai the past weekend the Prince Frog Theory was born. I just discovered blogging, find it absolutely divine and decided that I might as well start a blog to kill some extra time seeing that I will be living alone for the next month.

We were all sitting around the Fire on Saturday when the Socialite (also Housemate) decided to grace us with a joke. It was kind of a knock-knock type of Joke, so here goes:

Socialite: When does a Frog meet his Princess?

Ofcourse no one answers, cause everybody is still tired from the previous night and trying to motivate themselves to go for a second night to get the most out of the weekend. But this doesn't bother the Socialite in the least.

Socialite: After the Princess has had more than five drinks! Hahahahaha! Get it? Hahahahahahaaaaaaa

My first thought was, only five drinks, what a cheap night.

Thus started the joking about the 2 boys who also woke up in our house on Saturday morning. I'll have to give some background now. We are 3 girls living together, we know each other from varsity and decided to move in together. The Confidant's (Also Housemate) Brother and his Wife came to visit from PE, me and the Socialite were told to be on our best behaviour, meaning no boys over the weekend. We had the best of intentions but after a couple of glasses of Red wine, some shooters and I think Whisky and Brandy, all good intentions flew out of the window or should I rather say beds.

The Socialite was smart and dediced to leave before anyone got home, so only I knew that there was a boy that had fallen through her roof. Me on the other hand, made the mistake of arriving with the rest of the crowd. So Prince Charming (or so I thought) got the French Inquisition. The Brother took his brotherly duty really serious and decided that he would stand in for me, seeing that I don't really have a brother (a story for another time). Prince Charming was asked about his financial position while the Wife just wanted to know if Prince Charming had kissed me yet. After I finally got the newly married couple to bed, who were immensly enjoying my discomfort, we could go to bed as well.

The following morning I had one hell of a time trying to wake up Prince Charming, because I had to go sunbed. Which for those of you that don't know, is absolutely the worst idee after a night of partying. I got him out before anyone woke up, avoiding another French Inquisition.

I saw him that night again, and he was a complete ass, therefore converting him from Prince Charming to Prince Frog.

From that night on we will be referring to all boys as Frogs.