The medicine to my soul...

"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes~

Meet my new friend, my pink apple ipod shuffle; isn’t she pretty!

(If you think she’s pretty on the outside, you should hear the inside!)

I just love her, and love her even more because she was sent to me all the way from England by the Damselfly. The Damselfly loaded all my favorite songs and a couple she knew I’d like onto it before she sent it to me. I’m so blessed to have friends like her in my life. She did this when I was going through a rough patch and knew that music is the medicine for my soul. It’s filled with songs that inspire me, songs that let me know that I’m not alone and a couple of dance hits cause she knows I just love dancing!

Friends and Family make life worthwhile, and God has blessed me with wonderful friends and also a great family who really care for me and words can't describe how much I love them.

"The making of friends, who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man's success in life."
~Edward Everett Hale~

I feel very successful today

My Last Obsessive Psycho Post, I Promise

I’ve been ranting and raving the whole week about the Oliver Twist situation and I promise that next week I’ll try to say something relevant, meaningful or profound and it will not be about men or relationships.

I’ve found a flaw in the “He’s just not that into you” movie. They tell you what it means if he doesn’t call but never ever mention what you should do or what it means if he pitches at your door 5 days later.

As I was watching Oprah yesterday, the doorbell rang. I thought it was one of the beggars or salesmen again, so I peaked through the window. And there he was, I was dumbfounded, speechless, the one and only Oliver Twist. I never expected him to come, because the type of guys I’m used to never do what they say they will. Then I realized how absolutely terrible I look! My hair was in all directions, I had a very unflattering outfit on and the house was a complete mess. I immediately remembered my Grannies words: "A lady should always look het best, you never know who you might meet or run into." Well, too late now. So I opened the door and said hi.

I could talk to him forever, he’s fantastic. I haven’t felt this way before, and I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. One thing I do know is that he can’t know about them, that could make a friendship difficult if not impossible.. I totally freaked out when he left, got myself a glass of red wine just to calm down. I don’t want to move to a new town anymore! I’ve wanted to move for the past 2 years and now I want to stay. Go figure, just my luck. Hope I can make the most of the week I have left… and keep this friendship thing going.

I’m so happy today, it’s a wonderful, wonderful life… I'm glad that I was wrong about him and that there are still guys out there who keep their promises.

Here are the Lyrics to one of my favorite songs, thought I'd share. It’s a South African band called The Parlotones. It’s the most heartfelt love song I’ve ever heard.

BABY BE MINE - Parlotones

If I asked you to lay with me
Would you say you are not in the mood?
If I asked you to pray
Would you refuse cause my intentions aren’t any good?
In a world filled with thieves, killers and cheats
Wanting you shouldn’t be a crime
I am not asking for much
All that I am saying is
BABY BE MINE

If I asked you to dance
Would you lie and say you don’t know how?
If I sent you bad poetry
Would your face crease into a frown?
In a world filled with thieves, killer and cheats
Wanting you shouldn’t be a crime
BABY BE MINE

I am not asking for miracles
I am not asking for promises of your hand
All that I am saying is give me a chance
If I picked you wild flowers
Would you say you are not that type of girl?
If I stared at your photo for hours
Would I be weird and out of this world?
A thousand blue blistering barnacles
All that I ask is for a moment with you
BABY BE MINE

HJNTIY

WARNING: I anticipate that this post will include a little bit of cursing.

HJNTIY: The new magic words. He’s just NOT that into you. Fucking genius papa. Yes, you guessed it, I saw the movie last night. And I think all girls, single, longtime boyfriend and married should go see this movie. I’m buying myself the fucking book. (Or at least as soon as I’m in a better financial place, the wedding/roadtrip made a HUGE dent in my budget.)

It all became clear to me last night. My whole dating life I’ve been making excuses for the shitheads I’ve been dating. And it stops now! I’m the rule, not the exception. If he’s not calling it’s not because he’s writing a big exam on Wednesday and doesn’t want to get distracted, it’s because he DOESN’T WANT to call you. If he’s not committing to you, it’s not because he’s come out of a bad relationship and is afraid of commitment; he DOESN’T WANT to commit to you. I know it’s harsh, but we should stop making excuses for them to make ourselves feel better. I’ve done it a hundred times to help a girl friend feel better after she’s been dumped, and my girl friends have done it thousands of times to make me feel better. But it’s actually crueler to do this than to just face reality and move on. I felt a little taken aback at times, in the movie it’s the hard reality. Walking out of the movie, I spotted a couple of girls in tears and my heart went out to them because I knew that they now know that they have been wasting their time. I felt kinda shit as well, I offered friendship to Oliver Twist and he doesn’t even want that. If a guy doesn’t even want your friendship you should really wake up and smell the fucking coffee, I mean really.

So, I’m buying myself that damn book (maybe the movie as well, just to make sure I have it right) and will be using it from now on as my text book to dating. I’ll be saving myself a lot of agony and aggravation if I just stick to the HJNTIY rules. And if HE IS INTO ME I won’t be necessary for me to have to make any excuses for his behavior. I deserve someone that IS INTO ME, we all do.

NEVER LOSE HOPE, he’s out there. I always say my Prince Charming fell of his white horse and is currently residing in ICU, they have to release him at some time right?!

I've been tagged...

CJ tagged me, so here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone?
On my desk
2. Your significant other?
Nope
3. Your hair?
Dark brown, shoulder length
4. Your mother?
Is in Heaven
5. Your father?
Superman and 1 hell of a guy
6. Your favorite food?
Seafood/Italian
7. Your dream last night?
Can’t remember but suppose it was about Saturday nights kiss
8. Your favorite drink?
Red, red wine
9. Your dream/goal?
Be Successful and happy
10. What room you are in?
My Office
11. Your hobby?
Keeping in touch with friends, blogging, music, reading and dancing.
12. Your fear?
Not finding True Love
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Doesn’t matter, as long as I’m happy and I feel I’ve accomplished something.
14. Where were you last night?
Home Alone
15. Something that you aren't?
Aren’t trusting in the male specie at the moment
16. Muffins?
Banana
17. Wish list item?
For things not to be weird between me and Oliver Twist
18. Where you grew up?
South Africa
19. Last thing you did?
Read CJ’s blog
20. What are you wearing?
Jean & Top
21. What is on your TV now?
At work now, no TV
22. Your pets?
none
23. Friends?
My everything
24. Your life?
Uncertain
25. Your mood?
Hopeful
26. Missing some one?
Yes
27. Car?
VW Golf
28. Something you're not wearing?
Earrings
29. Your favorite store?
Temptations
30. Your favorite color?
Red
31. When is the last time you laughed?
This morning
32. Last time you cried?
Last Night
33. Who will resend this?
Blogger Friends
34. One place that you go to over and over?
Saturday Night
35. One person who emails you regularly?
Little sis, BFF’s & Will
36. Your favorite place to eat?
Chonkies in 2nd Avenue
37. The thing you hate most?
People that are not Honest or say things they don’t mean.
38. Your greatest challeng?
Love

If you've just read this, consider yourself tagged!

Roadtrip

We spent the biggest part of the weekend on the road. The wedding was bloody far away. Nevertheless, we had an awesome time. We stopped at all the nice spots along the way.

It was raining all the way, so it was misty and so, so beautiful. If you’re ever in Graaf-Reinet, you have to stop and have a look at the Church in the middle of the town, it’s gorgeous. Also go & have a beer at the hotel, it has this kind off colonial feel about it. We sat outside looking at the mountains, drinking our ice cold beers and played poker. I wasn’t really in the mood for poker but kicked Socialite & Dee’s butts both times we played, what can I say, if your good your good!


Next stop was the mall in George, we spent an whole hour looking for the damn thing. George is a smallish town, and we couldn’t find the big mall, go figure. We we’re all on our cell phones trying to get directions from people that know the town. Eventually found it, and in the first ten minutes I managed to break my shoe. I don’t like being bare feet so I decided best way to handle this crisis is to drag my foot behind me, I looked like I had a limp, but didn’t bother me that much, at least I had shoes on.

We drove through misty mountains, finally reached our destination for the day. We were at my grandparent’s beach house; I have great childhood memories there and felt I that have come home. Went down to the beach, joked around and just walked while the sun was setting. Ate pasta and drank red wine and then did our nails for the wedding. With all the red wine we had to do it a couple of times before it finally came out right.

Next day we went on a wine tasting before the wedding and then picked our own grapes in one of the vineyards. They give you a box and then you pay per kilo. At one stage we realized that everyone was moving closer to where we were. We were extremely loud and cracking ourselves up over everything. The nice grapes were on top, so the Socialite got on all fours, Dee climbed onto her back & I was holding the box. We felt like celebrities, cause everyone in the vineyard was taking photo’s. Keeping in mind that it was after our second wine tasting, this was quite normal behavior.

We we’re almost late for the wedding. Misjudged the distance we had to drive on a wet dirt road but luckily made it. The venue was gorgeous and there was so much food! Cheeses, figs and homemade bread we’re served while we waited for the bride. I was sitting at the single’s table as usual. I was quite surprised to see who was sitting at the table. I knew how the table originally looked like, but the Confidant who was one of the brides maids had changed it the night before. Knowing about my crush on Oliver Twist, she moved him to our table. I was ecstatic, but kept my pose. He asked me for the first dance of the night and it was great. The sea breeze & mountains intoxicated me even more and I was partying like it was 1999. Everyone was dancing in a circle, with me dancing in the centre most of the time. Thank heavens they didn’t play that song “shake that ass” cause I would have taken centre stage and shaked my booty for all it’s worth. Around 12 someone told me that it was last round at the bar, so I bought myself I think 3 drinks. After another half an hour someone told me the bar is closing. I went into panic mode, grabbed a hat and started a fundraiser to bribe the barman to keep the bar open. Luckily he said we didn’t have to bribe him, so I gave everyone back their money. This makes me feel kinda bad seeing as a little earlier we took a bottle of Jagermeister while they weren’t looking. I had many, many Jagermeister shots that night, also gave Oliver Twist one just before we went to “dress up” the car. Now the rest of the night I’ve already told you. He hasn’t called yet, which makes me kinda nervous but he does have a big exam on Wednesday.

Sunday we reluctantly drove back to the Free State, I was tired a hell not having slept more than two hours the previous night, and also emotional about having kissed Oliver Twist, but then we stopped at my happy place and it felt like everything will be okay. My happy place is a Waterfall in the mountains in Meiringspoort. Even though I have seen it a thousand times before it still takes my breath away. While lying on my back staring up at the waterfall, the mountains and the blue, blue sky, I knew that every single thing of the weekend was worth it.

Baby be mine… if only in my dreams.

Beware: I’m sad, this is not an inspirational, uplifting and funny post. That one will be coming along tomorrow together with all the wedding/roadtrip shenanigans we got up to. But now my heart hurts and I need to talk about it.

My throat is so soar, I spent 10 hours in a car holding back my tears on our way home from the wedding. Sometimes I slipped up and my shades filled up with tears, it looked like a river ready to burst its walls. I think the Socialite and Dee saw the threatening waterfall , but they pretended not too notice. You know when you want something with your whole heart and then you get just a little taste, you want it even more cause it’s everything and much more than you imagined. It’s like taking a test drive in you dream car, and having the time of your life doing it… and then it ends and you know you’re not able to afford it now or even in the nearby future, but having had a taste, you want it even more. That’s how I feel today. I wish I never took the test drive. And I’m someone that believes that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I screwed up. The groom has a friend, one that I have managed to get one massive crush on, and I don’t do crushes. I decided before the wedding, if there was even a very remote chance of me kissing Oliver Twist (a.k.a the crush), I will pass it up. I like him so much that I would rather have him as a friend (that I secretly have a crush on) than kiss him and risk the chance of things being awkward and not having him in my life at all.

We went to the Happily Married couple’s car to “dress it up” for when they leave on their honeymoon. It was me, Oliver Twist, The Socialite and the Player. Me & Oliver Twist was tying cans to the back of the car while the Socialite & the Player was supposed to be writing “Just Married” on the windows. When I quickly stood up, I caught them in a passionate embrace and duck down again.

Me: I think their busy
OT: They should be, they have to do the front of the car.
Me: Noooooo, their busy, if you catch my drift. I think we should stay down a little while longer.
OT: Oh, I see. Well, shouldn’t we just follow their example?

This was followed by me rambling on and on that although I want to, I don’t think we should because I don’t want things to be awkward. And then he kissed me… and my heart stopped, my knees went weak and I got a glimpse of heaven. We found a place less obvious and just kissed & talked for about another half an hour. After everything I drank that night I was wearing my heart on my sleeve, I never directly told him that I liked him but from all my ramblings it was obvious and if he didn’t catch on, he must be deaf and blind. After the wedding we were all supposed to go to the place where OT and his friends were staying to continue the party. The Socialite was supposed to get us there, cause she knew how to get back to the place we were staying. Her hormones took over and me & the Confidant found ourselves without our GPS (The Socialite). We had to sleep at the OT’s place, something I really didn’t want to do. I slept with him in his bed, cause there wasn’t any open beds. We only slept, but it felt so cheap to me. I’m normally not such a prude about things like this. But he makes me want to be a better person. And it didn’t feel right sleeping next to him on the same night we kissed for the first time.

Now here’s the problem, I’d rather have him as a friend, and be certain that he is in my life and hide my crush than have him feel he has too avoid me cause he doesn’t want to hurt me by not returning the affection. It was the perfect night and the perfect kiss, but I wish I could take it back. I feel vulnerable and exposed now. I tried to tell my heart it’s a crime to fall in love again. But after that kiss, my heart is loudly protesting. I’m moving to another town the end of the month…

I’m the queen of one night flings, but I don’t want to be his one night fling.

I would rather still have a secret crush on him, and have my dreams where everything is possible and he is crazy about me too. Now it’s gone, and I would do anything to get it back, cause it’s much better in my fantasies than it is in reality…

The big V-Day...

14 February 2008 is when Valentine's Day finally took a turn for me. And it’s not because I found the love of my life. I’ve always hated V-day. It seems like I always miss the big day, then I feel depressed and alone because everyone is sharing it with someone special except for me. Last year I spent V-day with the Confidant & the Socialite and we had a blast. Good food, good company, champagne, we we’re singing along with the piano player. (Although we shouldn’t be allowed to sing) But it was a perfect V-day.

This year is going to be even better. We’re leaving early tomorrow morning on a Roadtrip! We’re going down to the coast, and will be sleeping in my Grandparents beach house on Friday night and on Saturday we’ll be going to the Bride’s wedding! We’ll be stopping at all my favorite spots on our way there and it’s been ages since the I’ve been at the Beach house, it’s my Happy Place, so I’m really looking forward to it. The Bride decided to get married on V-day because she’s always hated it, and now she’s making it quite a memorable day! Me, the Bride and the Groom we’re talking about being perfect and loving someone the other day. I believe in this quote:

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

~Sam Keen~

The Bride & Groom isn’t perfect, no one is, but they love each other perfectly and I feel so privileged to have had the chance to learn from them. They are amazing people. And their wedding is going to be fabulous, it’s like a mini Varsity reunion! Wish everyone could be there.

So this year I’ll be spending my V-day at a wedding – single but it doesn’t bother me in the least. I’ll be spending it with people I love and isn’t it what V-day is all about. Being with people you love.

This is one of my favourite quotes, and I believe it’s the perfect single girls quote:

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything goes wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles"

~Audrey Hepburn~

What an absolutely classy lady Audrey Hepburn is!

So girls, single and those who have met Mr. Right or even just Mr. Right Now, I hope you have a fabulously exciting V-day. I know I will…

In the very true words of the Legen….. wait for it DAIRY Barney Stinson:

“Taking a date to a wedding is like taking a dear carcass on a hunting trip…”

I’ll let you know how the hunt went on Monday…

18 till I die

… cause I sure as hell don’t act like a 24 year old. Me & the Socialite had dinner and way, way too much red wine on Friday night to celebrate my birthday. Then we headed into town. Our favorite bar was a bit on the empty side, so we went down the street to have some shooters with Paris Hilton and her posh. Now even more intoxicated, we went dancing.

This is where I started acting very, very maturely (yeah right)

Me: Hallo Random Person I Don’t Know.
RPIDK: Hallo there
Me: It’s my Birthday today!
RPIDK: Well, happy birthday, hope you had a great one.
(RPIDK trying go exit the conversation)
Me: Aaaaand, I got my degree, actually 2 degrees (holding up 2 fingers, just in case he never learnt how to count)
RPIDK: That’s just great. Hope you enjoy your night (making a dive for it, just in case I had something else to say.)
Me: Bye now! Chat later again okay?!

This continued pretty much the whole night, there was however some undesirable frogs who tried to congratulate me with a kiss, yuck. So then I ducked and dived to get away from them. What do they say; “What goes around, comes around”. And then of course there was the absolutely gorgeous frogs, who also gave me congratulatory kisses. Aaahhhh, bliss.

It was my night of saying inappropriate things. One of the celebs, Jurie from Boer soek ‘n vrou. (Farmer looking for a wife, everyone in SA watched this show! Why I don’t know.) Looked really uncomfortable after about 2 minutes with me, can’t exactly remember what I said, but apparently he didn’t think It was as witty as I thought It was.

I then decided to do some marketing, I do have a degree in marketing you know. The lucky candidate was Great Smile. I marketed myself as a great package deal, one month only, the package name “A casual relationship”. Although I know that Great Smile doesn’t do casual, I gave it my best shot. Flirted scandalously, and at the end of the night after I gave him a lingering kiss, I saw a glimpse of definite regret in his eye as he regretfully declined my offer. Before I walked away seductively I cockily told him: “You know you just love kissing me…” And as I turned away there was a very brief glimpse of disappointment in my eye. I didn’t really want the casual relationship deal with him, unfortunately that was all I could offer at this stage. Apparently this package doesn’t sell so well, so I'll definitely be holding it back until I get a better buyer.

That’s when Mr. P text me, and told me how much he enjoyed seeing me again. Not really thinking about the implications this might have, I called him and asked if he wanted to come and have coffee at my house. The sun was almost up, so I thought coffee was appropriate. Not once did it cross my mind that he would actually try to kiss me, but he did and before I knew it, we were in my room. I stood strong, but eventually gave in. I’m only human. Then the most embarrassing thing ever happened, the Socialite walked in on us… and we weren’t holding hands. Oh fuck, yes my words exactly. But we’ve decided that were even now, seeing as I walked in on her in our 3rd year at varsity. Then I had to sneak him out of the house without any of my conservative housemates noticing. I saw a gap, thinking there was finally no one home. Woke him up and told him he had to leave pronto!

Me: (In the garden) It was nice to finally get to know you better
Mr. P: Yes it really was
Me: In more ways than one…
Mr. P: (Just laughed and gave me a kiss goodbye)

When I went inside the house again, I spotted someone through the window… it was the Brides bloody orchestra for the wedding who came to practice in the garden! Oh shit, I immediately knew they must have heard every single word of the above mentioned conversation. So I went into hiding in my room, I wasn’t able to face them. But I’ll have to at the wedding this coming weekend. Yes, yes I know. I’m an embarrassment waiting to happen. I think I should go on Prozac or something cause I can’t keep this up. Well it’s official now. It’s not about wanting to move to another city anymore, now I have to move to another city…

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeee!

It's my Birthday, yeah! And even beter, I passed my last exam and I will be receiving my degree and honours at the Graduation Ceremony in April! I've got the rest of the day off, and will be leaving the office right after this post. I'm finally going for a haircut, so that I look all pretty tonight when me and the Socialite will hit the town! She's also cooking me and some friends dinner tonight, can't wait! I have the best friends in the world, they always make such an effort to make my birthday special, cause I don't really like Birthdays so much and they are completely aware of this. The Damselfly is sending me something special with instructions from England! I can't wait, and she knows she's driving me mad by just giving me hints. Thus I will be stalking the mailbox from now on! The Bride & Groom made my favourite breakfast this morning (french toast), I'm really going to miss them when I move out and the Groom moves in, but I wish them all the luck in the world, they deserve it. They make such a wonderful couple. And the Confidant just called me, and it was so nice to hear her voice again and she told me about all the crazy things our shared dog, Bella did! Can't wait for the wedding next weekend to see her again! I think the Partner in Crime forgot, so I'll just have to call her tonight and wish myself a happy birthday! Watch out town, tonight I'm on a roll! I think I'm going to have a fabulous day! Have a great weekend girls!

Embarrassment is inevitable

I just read Chelsea talks smack and seeing as I don’t really have something to blog about, yet, I might just as well let you in on a few secrets. I’m waiting for some good news but won’t blog about it until I’m completely certain. So stay tuned. Shit, I have some very strange trust issues. Anyhow, I wish I only had one really embarrassing moment, but hence, I have quite a few. Fortunately there are some that I don’t remember and planning on keeping it that way. Today I’m going to regale you with those I do remember. Starting at the least embarrassing one.

Grade 12 was my year for the most embarrassing make-out incidents. You know when you’re somewhere you shouldn’t be, the best thing to do is to try and keep as quiet as possible. Nope not me. After partying hard, we went for a night cap at a friends house. His parents were out of town. Me and the one froggie got on quite nicely, so after a really romantic cheesy “We should seize every moment”, he took my hand and led me to one of the bedrooms to kiss in private. Unfortunately this was the parents room, not the place I wanted to be as we were told too stay out of it. Caught in the moment, we started to kiss, I was sitting on top of him and when I went in for a very passionate kiss, I put my hand on the remote. TV on at full blast. I got such a fright I almost fell of the bed. Next thing I do is to frantically try to shut it off, but I keep finding the wrong bloody remote and he’s laughing at me. The best part of this story is, at that stage he was already at Varsity and now he’s in one of the really popular SA bands, just my luck. Make no mistake, 6 years later, he still remembers me. Great stuff.
I also had one where I came out of a room very discretely, not wanting anyone to know what I have been up to, but then gave myself away with my top, being inside out and all.

During Rag one year we had a dress up party, I went as a playboy bunny, armed with a playboy t-shirt, shocking pink stockings with fish nets over it and bunny ears. It was a tequila party where the tequila was cheap as hell. So after having some pre jello shots at the Res, we started drinking tequila. Needless to say, I got very “happy”. Somehow I managed to find myself a yellow ballerina tutu, put it on and started doing plie’s, whilst stroking my bunny ears and asking anyone who would listen if I looked cute. This continued pretty much the rest of the night all over campus. It’s actually surprising that I do remember this specific incident.

Once upon a time there was this KFC ad, with the girl buying an ice cream and then getting into the back seat of her car instead of the drivers seat. The catch phrase being “Feel like a kid again”. I truly wish that could have happened to me. I went to McDonalds to buy myself a well deserved McFlurry, with the whole campus in the mood for Mickey D’s, I decided it’s best to skip the drive thru and just go in. In I went, got my McFlurry, got back into the car and wondered who had moved my seat cause I can’t reach the petrol, then I looked at the radio and realized that it’s not quite the same as mine, the thing that really surprised me was how neat my car was. Then it hit me, holy crap this is NOT my car. By some total freak of nature, I managed to use my key to open the door of someone else’s car. Fortunately I didn’t get faced with some hysterical kid with a more hysterical mom thinking that I’m the newest serial McFlurry Kid kidnapper. Lucky me. I then got out, praying that no one saw me, especially not the owner of the car and went looking for my car.

Last but not least. I went to a wedding, with a really nice, but wide dress on. I was the perfect weather for a Marilyn Monroe incident. Which probably would have been okay if I hadn't been wearing one of those really ugly grandma, tummy controlling panties. My date couldn't see anything, phew! But then one of the older men walked by and told me; "Yes my dear, the wind is blowing."

So there you have it, please do share as well…