Wedding Bells

I always had this idyllic picture of getting married, in my mind it looked something like this:



What they don’t tell you is that it only looks like this on the Wedding day. The month before the big day it’s an absolute war zone more like this:

My new housemate is getting married on the 14th of February, so I have also been eating, breathing and living wedding. This would have been complete torture for me if I was still in the Husband phase, luckily I'm over it. Phew dodged a bullet there. (Explanation: I have two phases, The husband phase which includes getting married and the dog phase - getting one as soon as I move.) I must say, I’m learning quite a lot. Some of the most important things that I’ve learned is:

*The Groom has absofuckinglutely no clue what hard work planning a wedding is.

A Woman’s rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.

*Don’t start a new job, open an Occupational Therapy Practice and get married at the same time.
*Don’t ask the Groom for his opinion; this will only immensely upset you.
*Try not to talk to your mother too often; this also has the tendency to upset you. (The Brides mother has decided to turn the place where she’s getting dressed into a hair saloon. This means, the Mother in law, Mother, all the grannies, cousin’s etcetera will be doing their hair in the room the bride is supposed to be getting dressed in. I see a potential drama…)
*Get a designer that doubles as a therapist to make your dress, this will calm you.
*And most importantly, if you’re planning your own wedding and not using a wedding planner be prepared for some damn hard work and learn to delegate.

Well enough of all the wedding bliss, this weekend is the Hen’s Party! I can’t wait, If people didn’t know any better they’d think it was my party! The Confidant, Socialite and Ponsie (who I haven’t seen in more than a year!) are all coming. Saturday night is going to be an absolute blast and if Ponsie is back in full SA form it’s going to be hilarious. She does the craziest things. We’ve organized the Octopus to shamelessly flirt with the Bride and beg her not to get married. He’s very excited, this comes naturally to him and this time he actually has permission to pursue a lady. Did I mention that he is hot, don’t think so. Well he is, but he has the fastest hands I ever seen. Just when you think you’ve dodged them, he finds another inappropriate place to plant them. Anyhow, it’s gonna be huge fun, cause she’s quite conservative, but also a sport!

Hopefully I’ll behave myself, but it’s been awhile since the last time I had some fun, so I’m afraid if they let me loose there just might be no stopping me! I CAN NOT WAIT!!!