Hen’s Party!

A very wise man (My Dad of course) gave me some great advice on Friday night. I was complaining about how tired I was of studying the whole time. I knew exactly what he was going to tell me, or I thought I did. He always tells me how important it is for me to just stay strong and keep studying, until the end. But this time he caught me completely off guard.

My Dad: Put away your books right now, and have fun with your friends the whole weekend.
Me: So I’ll study tonight and then join them on Saturday night and then I’ll study on Sunday again. (Clicking what he just said) What? Not study this weekend? You never tell me not to study. What’s the catch?
MD: Just enjoy the weekend and study hard on Monday again.
Me: Are you drinking or on drugs?
MD: No Sam, I’m not.
Me: (Speechless)

So I put away my books, and had an absolutely fantastic weekend of which you are going to hear every little detail, cause that’s what I do. I also analyze everything. So brace yourself.
The Hen’s party was a huge success thanks to all the effort the Confidant with the Socialite by her side put into it. I would have helped more, but we wanted to surprise the Bride and seeing as I’m living with her I had to be very careful. We dressed her up in a French Maids outfit, gave her a jar and told her to collect money for the wedding in the Mall. She was a great sport and everybody loved her. They then took her to one of the dodgy bars where all the old men bought them loads of shooters.
While they were doing that, I was frantically trying to get the house ready for the party and playing hostess to all the guests. I looked like a chameleon on a skittles wrapper. There was so many things to do, I didn’t know where to start. I had no choice but to start delegating jobs to the guests seeing as the Confidant and Socialite was fucking horribly late picking up the Bride. I was under the impression that they only went to the mall. And Ponsie did inform them that I won’t be happy when I found out they went to a bar without me. As you can imagine, I wasn’t happy, cause I was stressing my ass off while they were drinking and having fun. When they finally arrived at the party, they were all quite tipsy, especially the Bride. But when I saw how happy they all were, and the effort they put in to it make it a success my irritation vanished. The Socialite & Confidant made a punch, quite a lethal one also some jello shots. They dumped almost 5 bottles of vodka in the punch which needed even more energade and sprite to camouflage the vodka taste. Needless to say, the fridge is stocked with punch which will be made into slush puppies for the housewarming. I can even become an alcoholic before my exam on Friday if I wanted to. “They tried to make me go to rehab and I said no, no, no.”
After the party a couple of us, including the bride in her French Maid outfit went out. This was without any doubt the best part of my weekend. Thanks to all the froggies who were in complimentary mode, I felt absolutely gorgeous all night long. Unfortunately also violated at times, but I’ll tell in excruciating detail about it tomorrow!
Our poor “Domestic Worker” (in SA you may not use maid), is having one hell of a bad day at work. The house is covered in popped condoms, Bananas covered with condoms, streamers that got wet and stained everything and unfortunately the hubbly coal burnt a great fat hole into the carpet, but I haven’t shown anyone that yet. I’m hoping the DM will do some miracle today and fix it, she’s is an absolute angel but I don’t think even she’s gonna save me from the carpet disaster. Oh shit you say, exactly my worlds. But I’m not letting anything spoil my blissfully wonderful weekend, so I’m choosing to ignore the problem until I'm asked about it. Don't think I'll be using the hubbly inside the house again.

Wedding Bells

I always had this idyllic picture of getting married, in my mind it looked something like this:



What they don’t tell you is that it only looks like this on the Wedding day. The month before the big day it’s an absolute war zone more like this:

My new housemate is getting married on the 14th of February, so I have also been eating, breathing and living wedding. This would have been complete torture for me if I was still in the Husband phase, luckily I'm over it. Phew dodged a bullet there. (Explanation: I have two phases, The husband phase which includes getting married and the dog phase - getting one as soon as I move.) I must say, I’m learning quite a lot. Some of the most important things that I’ve learned is:

*The Groom has absofuckinglutely no clue what hard work planning a wedding is.

A Woman’s rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.

*Don’t start a new job, open an Occupational Therapy Practice and get married at the same time.
*Don’t ask the Groom for his opinion; this will only immensely upset you.
*Try not to talk to your mother too often; this also has the tendency to upset you. (The Brides mother has decided to turn the place where she’s getting dressed into a hair saloon. This means, the Mother in law, Mother, all the grannies, cousin’s etcetera will be doing their hair in the room the bride is supposed to be getting dressed in. I see a potential drama…)
*Get a designer that doubles as a therapist to make your dress, this will calm you.
*And most importantly, if you’re planning your own wedding and not using a wedding planner be prepared for some damn hard work and learn to delegate.

Well enough of all the wedding bliss, this weekend is the Hen’s Party! I can’t wait, If people didn’t know any better they’d think it was my party! The Confidant, Socialite and Ponsie (who I haven’t seen in more than a year!) are all coming. Saturday night is going to be an absolute blast and if Ponsie is back in full SA form it’s going to be hilarious. She does the craziest things. We’ve organized the Octopus to shamelessly flirt with the Bride and beg her not to get married. He’s very excited, this comes naturally to him and this time he actually has permission to pursue a lady. Did I mention that he is hot, don’t think so. Well he is, but he has the fastest hands I ever seen. Just when you think you’ve dodged them, he finds another inappropriate place to plant them. Anyhow, it’s gonna be huge fun, cause she’s quite conservative, but also a sport!

Hopefully I’ll behave myself, but it’s been awhile since the last time I had some fun, so I’m afraid if they let me loose there just might be no stopping me! I CAN NOT WAIT!!!

If you can afford me

I think that when it comes to men, a lot of girls tend to settle for a lot less than they should. Sometimes you just get tired of it all and you decide that this just might be as good as it gets.
Well Ladies, let me tell you, I also miss being held and having someone tell me I’m gorgeous, interesting and fantastic. But you should never ever settle for second best. I read somewhere that you shouldn’t wait for someone to bring you flowers, you should plant your own garden and decorate you own soul. This all sounds very good and inspiring in theory, but lets face it, it doesn’t quite work in real life. In real life you want to feel a hot summers kiss, you want to feel the sweat after the body bliss, you want your eyes to meet a romantic glare, you want to feel the numbness of your skin after you’ve felt the warmest touch, feel the blood pumping through your body after the body rush and find a friend who’s voice you’d know anywhere. (Stolen from Jann Arden’s Insensitive, very cool song. Check it out) If this is NOT how you feel, it’s NOT as good as it’s going to get for you, cause there’s something much better out there for you.
I’ve tried to get this from one night stands, but you only feel it so intensely as you should if you’re with someone special, someone who knows you and gets you. I’m prone to try and get as much as I can of these things in a one night stand, and it’s not the physical things I’m after, it’s the closeness and intimacy I crave. Knowing this, I’m seriously working on my commitment issues, cause I’m getting tired of kissing Prince Charmings that turn out to be Frogs. Damn, they’re clever little bastards those Prince Charmings, you only find out their real nature when your already in over your head. I’m currently not dating, because of this. But I don’t want to be a bitter old spinster lady at the youthful age of almost 24. So I’m keeping my options open and I’ve decided that when it comes to bars and clubs, meeting men should be done very cautiously. In the very wise word of Ms. Perry:

If you can afford me – Katy Perry

If you want me, a cherry on top,
The pick of the peck, The crème de la crop.

If you want me you better do better than that tonight.

If you want me, it takes more than a wink,

And more than a drink and more than you think.

If you want me you're gonna have to break the bank, tonight.

'Cause some don't have the patience,

Some call me high-maintenance

But you pay the bill, 'cause, that's the deal.

If you wanna ride, just name your price,

And don't play cheap with your heart

Don't make a bet if you can't write the cheque, for me, for me.

'Cause I can be bought,

but you'll pay the cost

If you can afford me

If you want me, I'm not a piece of ass,

A one night stand, a storage shed

I think you better walk by, tonight

If you want me, then stop begging

I don't put out for charity

If you want me there's no discount price tonight.

But I don't need your dollar bills

I just want something real

'Cause nothing's free, except a lovin' me

So ladies, there you have it. Your worth much, so much more than even you might think. You should never settle for something if you believe in your heart that there’s something better out there for you. Beware of Bars, Clubs and the one night stands that go with them if the only thing you really want is the hug at the end. If your only looking for some fun, enjoy every ecstatic moment of the one night stand just remember the wise words written on a sign above a mirror in a women’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA:

You’re too good for him

Lastly, some advice from the sexy Dr. Alex Karev (Grey's Anatomy)

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something.

You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head,

so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere.

A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air.

You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to.

Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.

Did you know...

I normally don't post twice on one day, but I found the most interesting piece of useless information that's completely amusing to me.

Did you know...

... that today is No Flirting in Public Day? In 1902, the first bill to outlaw flirting in public was introduced in to the New York state legislature.

Imagine that! They would've most certainly locked me up, I just Luuuuurv flirting, especially intoxicated in public. It's a reaaaaaaaaally good thing I'm not going out tonight. This little tit bit of information would have definitely been my way to start a conversation. Just think of all the corny, embarrassing pick up lines you can derive from this little fact....

Note to self: DO NOT THINK ABOUT THIS. If you start thinking about this it just might be the first thing that pops into your head next time you've indulged in some red wine and see an unexpecting frog pass by.

Well Girls, have a fantastic weekend and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT use this information as a way to start a conversation, embarrassment is inevitable.

What will the future hold...

"The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone."
-- Orison Swett Marden

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it’s just really shit that things do happen. I got retrenched, but without the nice retrenchment package, just retrenched. Though you might be thinking that it’s because of the crap state of the economy, although it probably also played a part, it’s because of the selfish, fraud committing Ex Boss. So I got mad at him all over again. There are quite a couple of people that have to get new jobs now, seeing that he has all the profit of the project. And I’ll most probably have to testify in court, the company is laying a criminal charge against him. When things like this happen, this is my quote:

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well."
-- Jack London

This just might be a blessing in disguise; I’ve wanted to move for the past year. And now I have to move. Everyone that moved away was so afraid of the unknown, I can’t wait to be in the unknown. I would love to have the opportunity to make a new start, have new adventures, make new friends, meet new frogs ;-) and just be somewhere no one knows me yet. Everything has gotten to be so predictable.

Now I just have to get that degree, which will hopefully mean a better work for me and doing what I was meant to do. But I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m really scared that I won’t have a work in March. Luckily Superwoman has my back, and if all goes according to plan I’ll also be a beach babe at the beginning of March.

I think I’ll ask my cousin to teach me how to surf, this is bound to be absolutely hilarious. If I don’t get it right, which I probably won’t (I’m no good at water sports) at least I’ll be entertaining the people on the beach, I do love the spotlight!

It’s finally weekend, too bad I have to study. Maybe not, I have this nagging feeling inside me to do something exciting, and for me, exciting usually means trouble. So I’m being a good girl this weekend.

As we get older…

Seeing that today is the Confidants birthday, I’ve decided this post is specially for her. Living together last year I don’t think I said thank you nearly enough for everything she did for me and meant to me. Don’t worry other BFF’s you’ll get your chance when it’s your birthday. So here goes:

Thank you for

1. For encouraging me to start this here blog. Through it I’m starting to rediscover passions (other than frogs) that I’ve long forgotten. I’m slowly finding myself again. And of course being my first follower.
2. Not killing me, if I were you, I might have seriously considered it. I drive myself crazy sometimes.
3. For helping me become a more tidy and neat person. I actually like going into my room these days.
4. For literally dragging me away from Reitz, it would have been an absolute disaster if I stayed. (Ps. Never drunkenly try to show your ex that you don’t care anymore, it looks sad and desperate, not carefree like you intended.)
5. Being kidnapped with me at the housewarming, I had a blast and just love telling that story to people, especially the part where you decided to swim.
6. For not freaking out and judging when you find random frogs in the kitchen/bathroom/my bed. I would have warned you if I thought of it, but quite obviously I wasn’t thinking clearly when I brought them home.
7. Being there for me when the Rugby Player and Commitment Phobe broke my heart, and letting me whine endlessly about it. I’m not gonna go into this, you know.
8. Showing me how to handle a family crisis. Just remember, I love teasing you about your family, but I love them to death and if I had the energy I would have tried to marry your Single Brother just to be a part of all the craziness.
9. For introducing me to wine, beer and whisky. I’m a changed woman.
10. Teaching me that when you cook, and it’s end of the month, almost anything can go together. Also all the fusion cooking (Hilda se soet/suur kombinasies kan maar gaan slaap).
11. Dealing with all the crying, ranting and raving when I found out the Ex Boss committed fraud and made me, unknowingly a part of it.
12. Helping me strengthen my Faith and know that through God anything is possible.
13. The talks on the steps at the back porch where I poured out my heart and soul.
14. Making me love dogs.
15. Being my friend, believing in me and just loving me for my crazy self.

There’s still a million things I have to thank you for, but considering I still have a whole lifetime of friendship to say them, I’m just gonna say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope the next year is a wonderful, fun, exciting and adventurous year! I luv you my friend!

Ps. I forgot one. Thank you for not abandoning me that time the horse ran away with me, I was scared shitless and very mad at the Damselfly & Partner in Crime for causing it. If Horsie didn't stop by itself I know you would have saved me.

Holiday Continued...

Durban

I love going to Durban. The shopping is great, the people are chill and you’re always guaranteed a good tan. I spent the week at my Aunt’s, she’s my Superwoman. I just love her too bits. My Mom died when I was 15, and she became my second Mom, Aunt, best friend and role model. She really is one hell of a woman. Everyone likes her, she’ll do anything to help the people she loves and even those she doesn’t. And best of all, she excepts me and loves me just the way I am, even though I can be kinda obsessive and crazy at times. I spent the whole week only moving between the pool, Jacuzzi and getting toasty in the sun. People from the Free State tend to overdo it when they get to the coast, so I became a lovely shade of red two days into my holiday. Luckily I haven’t started peeling, so I think I just might keep my tan. (My Granny told me that I look healthy for a change! I thought that I did look healthy, pale was the new tan for me, or apparently maybe it wasn’t). It was great being with them. Unfortunately, my Uncle who parties like a 20 year old, (although this sound pretty fun, and I love partying with him, it stops being fun when he also acts like a 20 year old.) He’s leaving my Aunt. I suppose he wants to get himself a 20 year old to party with. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. I think I know why, it’s because there’s always more shit on the other side to keep the grass nice and green. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. Why would you leave Superwoman? How do you just wake up one morning and tell the person you have 2 children with and been married to for 18 years that you just one day stopped loving them? I’ve always thought that the foundation you build a marriage on is friendship. How do you stop loving a friend? I’ve always wanted to get married, but now I’m seriously reconsidering it. Anyway, so the first week turned out to be kind off a fuck up.

Knysna

Knysna is a beautiful town on the garden route in the Cape. It was nice to see it, but if I could choose I would spend only two days there. It’s too busy; the traffic is hectic during December because the town doesn’t have the infrastructure for so many people, especially not from Gauteng. With the way those people drive, going to town is a terrifying experience. We spent the week with the step family. I was the first holiday we had together. I think it went particularly well, considering the absolutely different way we were brought up. My Stepmother is very, very against drinking. And I like to drink, I like to party and when I do, I don’t go home until the sun is shining. As you can imagine this was a potential problem. Her offspring also does it, they just hide it. I don’t. I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not. However to keep the peace, I behaved. We only went out one night and I had one hell of a good time batting all the youthful little frogs trying to get me to kiss them. At one stage I actually started feeling quite old. It seemed to me that everyone was younger than 20. The Arty sis was missing her boyfriend so she was telling all the little frogs that she’s getting engaged next year and redirected them to me and the Little Sis. Little Sis was having a ball, while I was trying to get rid of all the kids. Although I am a firm believer of getting him young so that you can raise him perfectly, I wasn’t up for it. I was supposed to be resting, not working! Seeing as I hadn’t learned my lesson the first time, I burned again. This time only my legs. I looked like a crayfish. This wasn’t entirely my fault. Before we went to the beach, I only had time to put some body lotion on my legs. What I didn’t take into consideration was the fact that my body lotion contained oil. Big, Big mistake.

So that was my holiday, all over now. I have to study for my re-assessment, when I get home from work every damn day. Having a bit of difficulty doing that, but it’s my last one for my degree, so I’m gonna study hard. I think I’m driving my new housemate crazy, I’ve got so much too say the last couple of days. Work’s boring, and my brain is in absolute overdrive. I miss all my BFF’s, I have 4. I’ve been thinking a lot about the Accountant and how fun and interesting he was. He’s really not my type, well considering that my type is not a good type, I should really consider changing it. I’d like to have him as a friend, and have as much fun again as we did my last night in J-bay. I can’t do more than friendship at this stage. But I’m afraid that if I get his number and call him, he might get the wrong impression. When I finally passed out that night, he thought I was sleeping and he kissed me on my forehead. Now I don’t want to read too much into this, that’s normally not good for starting a friendship, but well… Anyhow, that’s why I miss the Confidant, Damselfly, Socialite and Partner in Crime so much, they would have told me what to do and then I would have gone and done exactly the opposite. Hey, don’t judge! It’s the way I make decisions. But now I’m not sure what the opposite is. So now I’m trying to blog this thing out, hmmmmm. What to do…